"a most notorious pirate" measure for measure: iv, iii

Many thanks to Adam, who pointed out in his blog yesterday that today is National Talk Like a Pirate Day. I actually saw a dude walking down the street today dressed in full pirate gear. It was pretty awesome.

In honor of this fake holiday, here is my favorite pirate joke. (It's, uh, also the only pirate joke I know.)


A guy on vacation in the Carribbean walks into a bar. Sitting at the back corner of the bar is what appears to be a real, honest to goodness pirate - he's got it all: parrot on the shoulder, hat, eye patch, peg leg, hook for a hand, the works. The man approaches the pirate.

"Excuse me, sir," he says. "Are you really a pirate?"

"Aye, that I be," replies the pirate.

"Wow!" the man says. "You must have had such an interesting life and seen so many things! Do you .... do you mind if I ask you how you got the peg leg?"

"Yargh," the pirate says. "That was indeed a terrible day. A rival pirate gang captured me and made me walk the plank. A huge shark grab hold of me leg and was going to drag me down into Davy Jones' Locker, but I managed to escape with only the loss of me leg."

"Wow!" the man says. "And how about the hook -- how did you lose your hand?"

"Aye, that be a terrible day as well. I was on the banks of the Nile, digging up a chest of treasure. I had a precious gem in my hand when a great big crocodile, attracted by the gem's glittering, lunged out of the water and chomped down on me arm, taking the gem and me hand back into the Deep with him."

"Holy crap!" exclaims the man. "What about your eye? How did you lose that?"

"Yarrrrr! That be the worst of them all, ye scaliwag!" the pirate exclaims. "I was lying out on the deck on a clear autumn night, looking up at the stars as we made our way to safe port, when all of a sudden ... a seagull flew over and shit in me eye!!"

"A seagull shit in your eye?" says the man. "Well that doesn't sound so bad; how did you lose the eye from that?"

"Yaaarrr! It was the first day with me hook!"